What are you looking for?
Providing Family Law Services in Charlotte, NC

Defusing Arguments With A Former Spouse

In a previous post, we provided several tips for having an amicable divorce. We talked about the following:

  • Not attacking your spouse through your attorney
  • Not asking for things because you don’t want your spouse to have them 
  • Focusing on the end result 
  • Putting your children first

After reading that article, you may have agreed with everything we said and have a newfound commitment to seeking an amicable divorce. However, you are concerned about whether your spouse will divorce amicably. Here are tips for navigating and dealing with this complex situation.

What Can You Control? 

Let’s imagine you are in the middle of a divorce with a narcissistic, belligerent spouse who actively seeks ways to create arguments. First and foremost, don’t meet anger with anger. As justified as your anger and frustration may be, it will only worsen the situation. If your relationship has devolved to the point where your spouse cannot be respectful, civil, or calm, find ways of limiting your communication. For example, ask to have everything communicated through email only. It is less urgent than a text message and not as contentious as a phone call. 

Don’t Give Up

This is particularly important if you have children because you must co-parent with your former spouse. If you succumb to fighting, you are eroding the foundation of the new relationship you have to form with this person. Regardless of how committed the other person is to bickering and instigating, continue to be respectful and deliberate with your words. Walking away and saying, “you always want to fight” or “you can never be happy,” is more hurtful than accurate. You cannot stop someone else from saying that, but you can do your part to prevent the relationship from deteriorating further. 

When does your former spouse get upset? For instance, if pick up and drop off is a pain point, make your meeting spot a neutral or public place. You can use a police station parking lot or a coffee shop. Are there divorced couples who can even sit down and have breakfast with one another before the children leave to be with their mother or father? Absolutely. And as much as you may never want that to happen, your children might. However, this is only for people who have mutual respect for one another despite the fact they are no longer in love. 

Meet with an Attorney Who is Ready to Listen
Listening is a skill that takes time to develop. The divorce process is emotional, and everyone wants to be heard. Before you get upset with someone for not hearing what you are saying, remember that it takes both sides to make this work. At Easterling Law, PLLC, each client is unique, and so is their family dynamic. We are committed to listening and learning about you because it is the best way to provide customized solutions that fit your needs. Contact us today and schedule your consultation if you are ready to speak with an attorney, contact us today to schedule your consultation.

Leave a Reply